Office jargons are a thing of beauty. They may be archaic but they don’t go away. They are there since dinosaur years and yet refuse to make way for something new.
Touch Base
This is probably the oldest jargon in the history of office jargons. And we downright hate it. Touch base really means to meet someone or connect with someone at a designated time to speak over an issue. But if you bat an eyelid while you say that, the whole meaning changes, right? You know, touching the base. So, which base is it? Surely not that of our body. In fact when someone says that to you will you ever be sure exactly what he or she wants to touch?
Low Hanging Fruit
Another one that has an uncannily sexual sound to it. This phrase literally means a target that is easy to achieve. It refers to something that you can achieve without, you know, reaching out and stretching. But as an adult, when someone talks about LOW HANGING FRUITS, there is a different kind of imagery that is forced in front of our eyes. Maybe it is a pleasant one while you are in bed, but in the middle of a board meeting, that’s not something that you want to remember.
Get All Your Ducks In a Row
Getting all your Ducks in a row means to get everything organized and in ship shape. Somehow it reminds us of the little rubber ducks from a bathtub. And once again, our minds wander into the dark recesses of sexual fantasies while someone is talking to us about organizing our tasks.
Square A Circle
Squaring a circle means undertaking something very difficult. What it refers to is actually taking up a task that is almost undoable. However, the very idea of squeezing things into other things is just disturbing. When you thing about it literally, it not that difficult to put a circle in a square box and squeezing it to shape, but the idea is very disturbing.
We Are On a Journey
If we had a nickel for every time we heard this, we’d probably be millionaires. This is hands down the most common jargon used to prepare a team before undertaking a journey. Everyone wants to create this euphoric idea about how people are “on the same boat” in this “journey” towards undertaking something new and exciting. Well, it’s not “exciting”, because if it were, you’d say so.
Thought Shower
This means pouring out your ideas without any logical reasoning so that you can finally get them all out. Now, we get it that an alternative was much required for the phrase “brainstorming” but if “thought shower” is the best that we can do, we really need to brainstorm some more. Thought shower not only sounds pedestrian, it also sounds like it is wasteful.
Think Outside The Box
Really, please stop. If you have been saying this, someone’s ear is probably bleeding. The box is now begging for people to think from within. In fact, these days, everything outside the box has become the inside of the box and everything inside has become the outside. Makes sense? The unconventional has now become conventional. So, let’s bag it in than throwing it out.
Thanks In Advance
There are two ways to look at it. One means that you hate someone so much that you aren’t going to take the effort to thank him or her later and the other one means that you literally coerced someone to do something against his or her wishes and thanked him or her so that they can’t say no.
Cherry Pick
Cherry picking means looking out and picking only the best possible from the selection. Cherry picking is archaic. It is so old that cherries don’t want to be picked anymore. Another slightly disturbing thing about this phrase is that the word “cherry” has some really naughty contexts. You guys got it right? “Picking the cherry” or “Plucking the cherry”. No? Alright. Then maybe I’m the pervert.
Take It With a Pinch Of Salt
This means there is an overall higher objective that is pleasant but there’s one part of it that isn’t likeable. So, the saying is trying to say that the otherwise sweet product just comes with one salty part. Now, here’s a thing, I like my chocolate with some sea salt. So, I don’t see what the hullabaloo about it.
Reach Out
Reaching out is a very funny one. I mean, it just gives us an image of a person really struggling to get a hold of something. Like they are trying too hard but just can’t get it. The meaning is quite the opposite. It means getting in touch with someone over an email, phone call or directly. Na-ah. Not too much thought was put in this one.
No Brainer
This means a thing so simple that it doesn’t require any brains to decipher it. However, the fact that the phrase itself is so well non-brained, it figures. No brainer also sometimes falsely makes you feel like you’ve been given specific tasks that don’t require brains because, well, you don’t have any.
At The End Of The Day
This one might have had real meaning in the olden times, but see, the thing is, these days, the days don’t really end. It’s not like you are going home after work and leaving work behind. It’s a continuum. Everything is forever on. It’s this giant machine that is constantly working without ever stopping. So, how does the phrase figure in the conversation? An alternative like “after the harvest” makes more contextual sense these days.
Punch a Puppy
I personally hate this one. No one should punch a puppy. No one. Not verbally and definitely not in reality. What kind of a human being would do that? Although the phrase literally means doing something heinous and terrible for the business’s profit. Never use this phrase. It is not a nice one. We don’t like people who do.
Anurag Rathod is an Editor of Appclonescript.com, who is passionate for app-based startup solutions and on-demand business ideas. He believes in spreading tech trends. He is an avid reader and loves thinking out of the box to promote new technologies.